Local Cat Elected Mayor; Promises to Nap on All Issues

In a landslide victory that has political scientists re-examining democracy, a local tabby cat named Mittens has been elected mayor of Springfield with 78% of the vote.

Mittens' campaign platform was simple: "I will nap, I will knock things off tables, and I will completely ignore your concerns." Voters found this refreshingly honest.

"Finally, a politician who tells the truth," said voter Barbara Scratching. "He promised to do nothing, and I believe him. The last guy promised to fix the roads and also did nothing, but at least Mittens is upfront about it."

Mittens defeated three-term incumbent Mayor Harold Promises in a stunning upset. Promises' campaign focused on experience and policy proposals, which analysts say was his fatal mistake.

"Voters are tired of politicians who claim they'll solve problems," explained political analyst Dr. Paws McGee. "Mittens offered something different: a candidate who will sit in a sunny spot by the window and judge everyone silently."

Mittens' first act as mayor was to push a glass of water off the city council desk, which received a standing ovation.

His approval rating is currently 94%, the highest in Springfield history. The remaining 6% are dogs.