Top StoryA groundbreaking 47-year study involving over 2 million participants has conclusively proven what office workers have long suspected. Lead researcher Dr. Susan Calendar states, “The data is undeniable. Mondays are, in fact, significantly more Monday-ish than any other day.”
PoliticsThe 'Lyrical Law Act' was approved 420-69 after a heated debate in iambic pentameter.
WorldThe rogue bread product has been contained by elite pastry forces.
ScienceResearchers admit they couldn't be bothered to count the actual number.
BusinessTech mogul reveals his entire fortune came from following WikiHow articles.
EntertainmentAudiences stunned as film concludes without sequel bait or post-credits scenes.
Sports20-year veteran confesses he never actually learned the rules.
TechnologyGlobal conflicts resolve after IT finally gives everyone the internet login.
LocalMittens defeats human opponent with platform of 'doing absolutely nothing.'
Our columnist makes an impassioned defense of their fourth cup before noon.
One man's brave account of his ongoing war with office equipment.
Get breaking news alerts delivered straight to your inbox. We promise to only email you when something completely fictional happens.
*Stories may not actually exist. Emails may arrive at inconvenient times.